You know your a nurse if…

1) the front of your scrubs reads “Nurses…here to save your butt, not kiss it!”

2) you occasionally park in the space with the “physicians only” sign… and knock it over.

3) you believe some patients are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

4) you recognize that you can’t cure stupid.

5) you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.

6) you believe there’s a special place for the inventor of the call light.

7) you believe that saying “it can’t get any worse” causes it to get worse just to show you it can.

8 ) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.

9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.

10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.

11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

12) you’ve been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.

13) you’ve heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say “I’m afraid of shots.”

14) you’ve placed a bet on someone’s blood alcohol level.

15) you’ve told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.

16) your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago’s water tank.

17) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.

18) you believe that not all patients are annoying…some are unconscious.

19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.

20) you don’t get excited about blood, unless it’s your own.

21) you’ve sworn to have “do not resuscitate” tattooed on your chest. Soon.

22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.

23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.

25) you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

26) you believe that “shallow gene pool” should be a recognized diagnosis.

27) you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.

28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase, “Wow, it’s really quiet, isn’t it?

29) you have wanted to write a book entitled, “Suicide: getting it right the first time.”

30) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say “I have no idea how that got stuck in there.”

31) you’ve had to leave a patient’s room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

Please give me your baby!

Today I had yet another doctors appointment. It makes my 5th appointment in as many months. Each has been the same. I start with a 30 minute drive to the office that usually consists of me crying and praying that this time I will get some good news or at least a glimmer of hope. Then once I arrive I have to sit and brace myself for what I know lies inside, a waiting room full of pregnant women and women who have just had a baby. Once I get the courage to walk through the sea of babies, I go in, sign my name on the list, and head for my chair in the corner closest to the desk. I think part of me hopes that if I sit close to the receptionist she will see my pain and have pity on me, letting me go in ahead of all the others, but that never happens.  Then I search through the pile of magazines next to me trying to find one that doesnt have a pregnant lady or baby on the front. After what seems like an eternity of waiting I head back. Get all my vital signs taken, talk about my previous months results and possible reasons for my terrible levels, get an exam to make sure my meds are not causing problems, then get more blood drawn. Most days would end here. I would be done, walk out, and head home. Today ended differently though. As I sat waiting to get my blood drawn I over heard the girl in front of me making her appointment to see a doctor in St. Louis. At first I had pity for her assuming she was having the same problems as me and was going to see a fertility specialist, but then I heard what the appointment was really for. An abortion. I think every part of my body went numb. The inner me wanted to run out to the desk, throw myself on the ground, wrap myself around her legs, and plead that she would change her mind. Beg that she would look at me and ask that she please, please, please give me her baby. Tell her how much love I could give him/her, how I would pay and do anything she wanted in order for her to just give me a chance to show her how my way was better, and refuse to let go until she agreed. I couldnt do that though. Instead I just sat in my room, had my blood drawn, and then walked right by her trying to not cry.  How could someone so blessed do something so horrible and unimagionable to me? How could she not want the sweet baby growing inside her? Days like this make it even harder for me to see the bigger picture and to look to the future and understand that God has a greater plan for my life and isnt just putting me through such pain and anguish for nothing. 

What Im Loving

I finally broke down and bought myself a real Chi flat iron. I had a cheapo imitation that broke a few months ago and just couldnt bring myself to buy a new one. I finally found a really cute, sparkly, pink dazzle chi on ebay and bought it. I love it! It really does work so much better than my imitation one did and heats up in like 6 seconds which saves me time in the morning! If you dont have one yet, I highly suggest you invest in one

No less than a woman

I found this song today and decided to make it my theme song. Im going to carry an internal boombox with me and everytime someone gives me that look that says “oh you poor thing, youll never be whole” Im going to hit play and try my best to not let it get to me and remember that God has a purpose for my infertility.

Playing God

I found out today that I work with a girl who also has been diagnosed with PCOS. I was really excited to meet someone else in my shoes until I found out what she really thinks. She was blessed with a baby about a year and a half ago without any assistance from pills or doctors, which was really encouraging news at first. When I told her that I was planning on starting with the pill Clomid and then seeing what happened she got really upset. She began telling me how using pills and invitro is playing God. That if God doesnt bless me with a child, without assistance, that my only option is adoption. I tried to explain that we planned on adopting long before my diagnosis and that using a doctors help to get pregnant wouldnt change that. She told me that I was taking matters into my own hands and not trusting God to provide. It didnt matter how much I told her I longed to carry a child of my own or how Ive spent hours envisioning what Adam and my babies would look like, she just kept telling me how selfish I was and how untrusting of God I was. I told her that Ive been trying hard to trust that Gods timing is perfect and that if its meant to be it will be, but she said that was just me lying to myself in order to justify my playing God complex. Am I wrong for using doctors help in order to try and get pregnant? Am I really a selfish, untrusting person? Is it unglorifying to God to use medical advances instead of just good old fashioned trust and hope?

First week as a nurse

Well tomorrow I will have finished my first week as an actual nurse. I always knew that I liked nursing. My clinics and classes were always interesting to me but I had no idea that I LOVED being a nurse until I started working. I’ve spent all week working in the ER and each day was a new lesson. Ive recieved so much experience in just the short while that Ive been there. I finally got to start an IV and ssee how things really work once you get out from behind the ugly school uniforms and instructor. Next week I start training up on the Med/Surg floor. Ill pretty much just be passing meds which I dont really like. Its just not personal enough for me. Im really hoping that once training is over that I will be able to spend most of my time down in ER. Something tells me thats not going to happen though I think they need more help up on the floor passing meds than they do in the ER. But you never know. They have had to call someone in all week to work in the ER on the midnight shift so they may put me down there. Thats what Im praying will happen at least.