Torture

I had my first patient that I was unwilling and unable to take care of the other night. I know Im a nurse and Im supposed to look past everything and be unbiased and give the best care possible but I just couldnt with this girl. I had a young girl come in who was having severe cramping and bleeding. I brought her back to the room and she told me that she had had her second abortion in less than 6 months and she was starting to have unbearable pain. I was smiling on the outside and taking her information but on the inside my mouth hit the floor and my heart was about to beat out of my chest. I turned her care over to another nurse who was able to give her the care she needed without being rude and uncaring, then I went to the bathroom and cried yet again.

I know everyone who reads this is going to tell me God doesnt give you more than you can handle and all kinds of things like that but Im finding it very hard to believe that Im not being tortured for something Ive done. Unless youve stood in my shoes then its impossible to understand the pain I feel. This is the second month in a row that Ive had to look at yet another bad lab result and another negative pregnancy test only to have my infertility thrown in my face by someone who was blessed with a child deciding to have an abortion. I know God doesnt torture His children and bla bla bla. Im sorry but I just dont want to hear it. Im hurt, devastated, torn, heartbroken, on my last leg. This is more than I can handle. Inside Im losing it. I can put on a good face on the outside and go about my daily things but inside all I do is cry and scream and hate everything about my condition. I hate that I cant get pregnant. I hate that my sweet husband who wants a baby more than anything can not be a dad because his wife is all screwed up inside. I hate when I look at the love my in-laws give to my beautiful neice and nephew and know inside that that will never be my children and Ill never have that bound. I hate that Im starting to lose all hope in Gods will for my life. I think my torture is the worst kind. It eats you from the inside out. It destroys everything about you. Oh Lord, why do you let me suffer to much? Why do you keep bringing me face to face with those who have killed the most precious gift? Why do I feel like your torturing me? Please help me Father! Please save me from this all encompassing disease! Please give me a sign of hope, of love, of anything besides this pain!

You know your a nurse if…

1) the front of your scrubs reads “Nurses…here to save your butt, not kiss it!”

2) you occasionally park in the space with the “physicians only” sign… and knock it over.

3) you believe some patients are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

4) you recognize that you can’t cure stupid.

5) you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.

6) you believe there’s a special place for the inventor of the call light.

7) you believe that saying “it can’t get any worse” causes it to get worse just to show you it can.

8 ) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.

9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.

10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.

11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

12) you’ve been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.

13) you’ve heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say “I’m afraid of shots.”

14) you’ve placed a bet on someone’s blood alcohol level.

15) you’ve told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.

16) your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago’s water tank.

17) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.

18) you believe that not all patients are annoying…some are unconscious.

19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.

20) you don’t get excited about blood, unless it’s your own.

21) you’ve sworn to have “do not resuscitate” tattooed on your chest. Soon.

22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.

23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.

25) you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

26) you believe that “shallow gene pool” should be a recognized diagnosis.

27) you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.

28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase, “Wow, it’s really quiet, isn’t it?

29) you have wanted to write a book entitled, “Suicide: getting it right the first time.”

30) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say “I have no idea how that got stuck in there.”

31) you’ve had to leave a patient’s room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

First week as a nurse

Well tomorrow I will have finished my first week as an actual nurse. I always knew that I liked nursing. My clinics and classes were always interesting to me but I had no idea that I LOVED being a nurse until I started working. I’ve spent all week working in the ER and each day was a new lesson. Ive recieved so much experience in just the short while that Ive been there. I finally got to start an IV and ssee how things really work once you get out from behind the ugly school uniforms and instructor. Next week I start training up on the Med/Surg floor. Ill pretty much just be passing meds which I dont really like. Its just not personal enough for me. Im really hoping that once training is over that I will be able to spend most of my time down in ER. Something tells me thats not going to happen though I think they need more help up on the floor passing meds than they do in the ER. But you never know. They have had to call someone in all week to work in the ER on the midnight shift so they may put me down there. Thats what Im praying will happen at least.  

New Job

I have officially found a job working as an LPN. I will be working part-time in the ER & Med-Surg units at Marshall Browning Hospital in Du Quoin. My first day will be next Thursday, the 27th. I will be training on the day shift until school starts and then once orientation is over I will be working the midnight shift. God has blessed us in many ways with this new job and Adam and I are both very excited about the change. Working in both the ER and Med-Surg units will allow me to be better trained and prepared for multiple situations once I become an RN. My new job will also allow me to purchase the group insurance once my 90 day probation period is over, which will save us quite a bit of money each month, and the pay raise will help us to pay off some bills! Its amazing how God always provides no matter what the situation! I’m excited to begin working in the profession that I’m going to school for and can’t wait to see how God will use me!

I’m a nurse…Well LPN

I found out this morning that I passed my state boards, which means I am officially a nurse…a licensed nurse. Now I just have to find a job as an LPN, especially since my last day at the ambulance is this coming Wednesday! SIH says they may have a part time job for me in Herrin and they are supposed to call me with interview times at the beginning of the week. If they hire me then they are going to give me a scholarship as well which would save me boo-coo bucks!! If they don’t then hopefully Marshall Browning will still have an opening and I can get hired on there. If I was an RN already this wouldn’t be a problem because there are tons of openings for them. Oh well, 3 semesters left and then I wont have to worry about it.